Exit Denied - Invalid Command

Chap. 1

ChatWorld is a pretty big place, spanning more gigs than a rock band on tour. Sometimes someone sets up an exit on their own and jumps the modem, but the techs usually plug those ports faster than a troup of boy scouts at the levee with sandbands. Outside of that the only way in or out is through The Door.

Bubba_OReilley had worked the graveyard shift at The Door for years. It was a quiet shift, but the job gave him time to do his crosswords and word jumbos. He had also been able to put two kids through tech school.

All in all, it was pretty good employment for a flake. Now, in just two weeks, he would be retiring and moving to that dream cottage in the Cancun chatroom. Maybe that was why he was a little less diligent that night, or maybe it had something to do with the empty bottles of Old Ethernet that were piled at his feet like a full litter box next to the hamster cage, or maybe it was both.

What did matter was that he failed to hear the soft sound of feet landing behind him or to spy the shapes that flitted through the shadows around the edge of his vision. By the time he realized there was a screwdriver in the light socket it was too late.

He turned to see a small figure clad entirely in black. As he stared into the hooded eyes of the form Bubba reached for his nightstick. He never made it as a wheeling round house kick laid him lower than a bootlicker in Death Valley.

Bubba reached for the alarm bottom, but he never made it. His arm twitched and slowly went limp, a pointed silver star placed expertly between his lifeless eyes. One could only hope that he had left an adequate pension for his widow to pay for that cottage.

One of the figures moved quickly to The Door. He placed a small black box by it and flipped a switch. A red light started to blink on and off in staccato rhythm to the hum the object emitted. Satisfied, the black clad body nodded to the others.

They disappeared into the night like a bad hangover on Thursday morning.

*****

When Chatworld was created there also came into existance cyber-beings. A collection of the chatter’s thoughts and emotions that cohered to form conscious enitities, these cyber-beings, known as “flakes”, were for all practical purposes indistinguishable from the chatters.

I’m one of those flakes. The names is Moonlight, Al_B._Moonlight. I run a detective agency in the GenChat section of ChatWorld. I also play piano there in a little backwater hootch hall called the Tahiti Lounge. It’s not a bad life for a flake.

It was early morning in the Tahiti. I couldn’t sleep so I had stopped by to play a set and pick up a little extra cash to keep my bookie away from my kneecaps. The place was perking like a slow brewing pot of java:

· Picky_your_Nosey really needs a weekend to self

· Daybreak12BeefaroniBoy to watch the door, not her breasts.

· Picky_your_Nosey says, "Starz..you are only like four hours away.."

· Terminator79 says, "No Problem Chauncee"

· _____.com returns holding a ChatWorld tech by the scruff of the neck...

· Rancheros_for_lunch says, "brb..."

· Brenda_Starz says, "PYN ANY TIME GF!!!!!!! mi casa es su casa"

· Daybreak12 "lol"

· Chauncee says, "badness killen and chillen; night tahiti"

· Rancheros_for_lunch leaves.

· Terminator79 says, "it's as good as done Bro"

· Emila_Earhard says, "I see you but it cuts me off when I say something"

· Angel_of_the-Morning34 Has to go finish E-mail, but will be back soon

· Terminator79 says, "K Angells"

· Daybreak12 disentangles the poor ChatWorld Tech from .com's fists..

· _____.com ...pulls a set of brass knuckles from his pocket, wraps his right fist around it, pins the tech to the wall by the neck with his left forearm & proceeds to beat him senseless

· WhippetGood . o O ( man this thing is scrolling fast!! )

· Rawbonez says, "follow me"

· Angel_of_the-Morning34 says, "save my seat"

· Picky_your_Nosey lights up a cig..and chills...with the PWD..

· Smoothie enters.

· Dick_N_Jane enters.

· _____.com says, "mess with my chat turkey bait!"

· SHOgirlVE s[]m[]o[]o[]c[]h[]e[]s[] Wolf

· Brenda_Starz says, "PBC I would also like to do a Riverboat thing ...on the Ohio river ....I hear there are a lot of them to choose from"

· WOLF_Packet wanders back in

· DeadPurpleDinosaur looks at the clean WOlf

· Daybreak12 hands .com his whiskeyr and pulls him off the poor Tech.. hon he's gone.

· WOLF_Packet hugs and smoooooches

· _____.com throws the bloody pulp out the side door

· Picky_your_Nosey says, "Uhm in Cinci..there is Starr..it is cool down there..lots to do.."

· Dick_N_Jane says, "does anyone want to chat with us?"

· Daybreak12 loves a guy that can deal with Tech Support.

· Daybreak12 smiles

· Picky_your_Nosey says, "Uhm @#$%{..with you as a person or your @#$%{?"

· WhippetGood says, "Whoa!! what's the deal with this "Tech" guy???"

· _____.com says, "i froze like an old maid at a nude male weight lifters convention"

· Daybreak12 giggles, wiggling in delightful places!

· WhippetGood likes @#$%{ey Dick_N_Jane..he'll chat

I had just thrown an ashtray at the idiot who always requested Louie Louie when a disheveled figure burst through the door. The bouncer, BeefaroniBoy, had tried to stop her but had about as much luck as a cricket player in a soccer match.

“I need to see Al Moonlight, and I need to see him now!” the woman screamed like an ancient banshee in heat.

BeefaroniBoy had grabbed her by the collar and was prepared to throw her out when I ran up, grabbed his arm, and said through clenched teeth, “Put the old dame down, Beefie.”

“Duh, Daybreak she done told me that I was to be the bouncer, yup, yup, and throw all the gutter trash out, yup, yup, and that’s what I’m going, yup, yup,” he rambled on like the dog after the rabbit in an old cartoon.

“Let’s put it this way, Beefie, “I tried to explain calmly, “I don’t like bullies, and I never liked you. Your skylight leaks a little, if you know what I mean, which I doubt if you do.”

He gave me a puzzled look as I removed the old woman from his grasp.

“Sorry, Beefie,” I continued. “my fault for using words with more than one syllable. Now why don’t you go play with your round edged scissors while you still got all your teeth. And try not to cut yourself this time, okay?”

I helped the doddering dimuniutive figure over to my table. I order myself a mineral water and asked what she wanted. She requested a double of Old Scuzzie scotch with a vodka chaser.

“Well, Al Moonlight, I haven’t seen you since I was your Sunday school teacher,” she said after downing the drinks and ordering a refill.

“Mrs_OReilley, is that you?” I asked in askance.

“Yes, Al it’s me, and I need help, and the word in the rooms is that when you’re in trouble, go to the Tahiti and ask for Al_B._Moonlight.”

“Sure bet in the third, Mrs_OReilley. Trouble is my middle name. Actually, I have no middle name, only an initial...”

“Put a sock in it, Al,” she rasped as she pulled out a ruler and rapped my knuckles with the shark like reflexes of a school marm.

“Okay,” I replied as I instinctively sat down and folded my hands on the table.

She ordered another round and then wailed, “It’s Bubba, Al! He’s dead!”

“What?”

“You got wax beans in your ears or something? I said my husband has been murdered! I want to hire you to find the killer.”

“Okay, Mrs_Reilley, but I do work for expenses and there is my retainer...”

“Yes, fifty cyber-dollars. I can cover that. When can you start?”

“Now, I guess. I was just playing an extra set to pick up some cash. Tell me what happened.”

As Mrs_Oreilley flagged down the waitress for another double with a chaser she gave me the skinny on the lowdown. After that it was time for me to go to work.
Chap. 2

I waited until Mrs_Oreilley left. It took six more doubles to get her out the door. The old dame could drink like Aunt Millie could polish doorknobs when the hockey team was in town. I signed my tab and left a modest tip for the waitress.

As I reached for my fedora I heard a familiar voice sneer like a cat in heat, “So going for the Medicare set now, Al?”

I girded my loins and turned to face my boss, Daybreak12. We had a history, one that was not unlike Hannibal’s march through Rome.

For an instant I wondered if I had been ladling down the sauce again because I thought I saw three of her. Then I noticed the one on the left was a little taller and a little hotter while the one on the right was a little shorter and a little slower. All three of them had the kind of frames that would have made you want to go out and talk to the sheep.

“Oh, Al,” she continued as she swayed toward me with a gyration that made my rancheros want to whimper, “I don’t think you’ve met my sisters. This is Heartbreak, and the other one is Slowbreak.”

Daybreak kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear, “Heartbreak’s a bigger slut than me. Slowbreak, well she’s a nice kid, but you know...the wheel’s still spinning but the hamster’s dead.”

I fondled the brim of my hat like a prom boy stroking a condom in his pocket and asked, “Well you are ladies in the rooms long?”

“It depends. What are you up to handsome?” Heartbreak asked with a voice you wanted centered somewhere below your belt.

“Help me, Day!” Slowbreak whined as she tried to untangled her hair from the bar’s slinky.

Daybreak stepped on Heartbreak’s foot as she walked past her with a look that said No Trespassing. She walked over to her other sister and started to pry the toy out of Slowbreak’s long hair.

I lit a coffin nail and said, “Sorry, ladies, I’m on a case. Say, Daybreak, doesn’t it seem awfully crowded in here for this time of day? It’s only 8:30.”

“You’re right, Al,” she replied as she tried to unhook her earring from Slowbreak’s sleeve. “I doubt if they were here to listen to you play..OUCH...WILL YOU HOLD STILL?”

I walked to the door looking over my shoulder to watch the two pleasing shapes struggle. It reminded me of my carny days when I ran the mud wrestling pit. As I reached for the knob I noticed Heartbreak was watching my hand and licking her lips. She also mouthed her AltChat number to me.

Now I knew it ran in family.

*****

It was early, but the streets where packed like a well stuffed jar of olives. I couldn’t recall the last time I’d seen this many chatters at this time of day. Most of them looked worried or angry or both.

I rambled on to the GenChat Precinct. If there was a murder then the fuzz had to know about it. That meant I could talk to my old partner, Officer_Bob. He knew more about what went down in here than you did about the hairs on your keister.

The precinct was also jammed with chatters. They were irate, screaming, and flashing their chat id cards at the sergeant behind the front desk. I didn’t like the looks of it and was beginning to smell a rat in the cat box. I elbowed my way through to Bob’s office.

He saw me and motioned me to sit down while he finished his phone conversation.

“I don’t care how many you have to pull off of school crossing duty and from guarding the private rooms in LoveChat, we’ve got a crisis here! I need men, and I don’t mean to hang up last Tuesday’s wash!” he growled and then slammed down the receiver.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair before he reached into his drawer to pull out two bottles. One was rotgut for him. The other was mineral water for me. He didn’t even bother with glasses.

“How’s it going, Al?’ he asked after a long swig. “I hope this isn’t a social call. I’m up to my waders in this crisis.”

Bob and I went back a long way. At least I thought we did. One of the problems with being a flake is that since you were born from other people’s thoughts and emotions you can’t always be sure what were your memories and what were theirs.

We might have been partners, we might have had a falling out over something, or it might have all been some scene out of a second rate detective story someone had once read. I couldn’t be sure for me, and, as for Bob, I’d never figured out if he was a chatter or a flake.

We had been getting along better of late, though. Recently I had covered for Bob. He wasn’t one to quickly forget something like that.

“Business, Bob. I’ve been hired to investigate a murder,” I said as I lit up a coffin nail.

“Was it Bubba_Oreilley?” he asked between gulps.

“How did you know?”

“It’s connected with why we have more chatters in here than Shriners calling an escort service. Bubba was the guard at The Gate.”

“I know. The Oreilleys are old family friends.”

“Well, that and seventy-five cents will get you a cup of joe at Rick’s Cafe. Bubba was found dead at The Gate, and now it’s locked.”

“What do you mean locked?”

“Someone put a terminator on it. They also put a bomb on the terminator. The techs are trying to disarm it, but given their track record keeping this place running, I’m not holding my breath.”

“So no one can leave?”

“Yeah, but this one is different. It will let people in, and we can’t signal the problem to the outside. We’re getting fuller than Noah’s Ark when the rabbits were in heat.

“So, Al, I need your help. It’s all I can do to keep a lid on ChatWorld. I need you to find out who did this, and how we can correct it. You game, compadre?.”

“Sure, Bob. When I find them I’ll also find Bubba’s murderer. It will be like killing two birds with two peas in a pod.”

“Uh, sure, Al.”

“You got any clues for me?”

“We found this in his head,” Bob replied as her tossed me a silver star with dried blood on it.

I turned the cool instrument of death over in my hand. The star meant ninjas which were out of the usual ballpark of the league I played in. But I knew someone who could make the starting rotation there.

I finished my mineral water and got up to leave.

Bob paused from choking down the rotgut to ask, “Where you off to, Al?”

“The Eastend,” I replied. “I need to get some help.”
Chap. 3

I hit the streets like an overactive pancake on the griddle. The place was getting more and more packed as the night went on. There was barely room to walk on the sidewalks, the duplicate rooms were overflowing, and there was even standing room only in such private rooms as Old_Stogies, The_Bad_TVbar, and God_WANTS_U_To_B_Guilty.

I sidestepped several scuffles and a mob of irate chatters chasing a troupe of flake mimes down the street. The place was getting as ugly as Uncle Elmo’s breath after the smoker at the Elk’s Club.

I was on my way to the Eastend to find the one who could help me on this case, but first I needed to stop back at my office. I wanted to pick up another pack of HardDrives, check for messages, and get trolley fare.

I also wanted to see if my secretary, Twinkletoes5 had returned. She had taken a few days off to straighten things out with her business on the other side of the modem. I hoped for her sake she was still there and hadn’t wandered into this Babylon on a sloe gin fiz ChatWorld was quickly degenerating into.

My office was located in the Tosh Heights building. It had been owned by kindly old Mac Tosh, a fairly harmless fellow once you convinced him you didn’t want to see his war injury. He had been one of the most powerful men in the computer world, but by the end of his life he had sunk lower than my SATs.

He died a meaningless victim in one of my cases. Since he had always had a soft place in his heart and hard one in his pants for Twink he willed the bulding to her. For me that was a two way street. On one hand, I didn’t have to worry if I was a little short on my rent. On the other, Twink tended to work my keister until it glowed like a well waxed cue ball if I was late with the payment.

I stopped on the landing to light a coffin nail. As I inhaled the first drag I looked up from the illumination of the match to view a comely shape silhouetted in the office window.

I bounded up the stairs like a monkey after spare change. In this crazy little ChatWorld where I lived my feelings for Twink were usually about the only thing that made sense. The rest of it I could comprehend about as well as my credit history.

I flew through the door and watched as my smile hit the floor like a marine giving you twenty. The figure I had seen wasn’t Twink. Instead, I viewed a slender frame sitting on my desk. She was wearing a thin cotton flowere printed dress that acknowledged all of her curves filled out in the right places.

My eyes started with the legs and worked their way up past the hem, lingering on the spots on a dame I liked best. The image she portrayed was very forties, but the nose ring was an odd addition.

I noticed she was very relaxed, like she had been waiting for a while. I also noticed that she had smoked most of my last pack of HardDrives. From behind the smoke I saw a look in her eye that said she wasn’t overly impressed with me but intrigued at the same time.

“Hello, Mr. Moonlight,” she said as she crossed her legs revealing a little more of the leg that had riveted my eye like a hyena to a fire hydrant.

“Hello, Lauren,” I replied as I snatched what was left of my coffin nails off the desk, “what brings you up here? Things getting a little slow in FanChat?”

Her name was Lauren_Bloodcall. About all anybody knew about her was that she was from someplace on the East Coast. Beyond that what lay underneath that long brown hair or behind those eyes that glinted with brilliance and boredom, no one really knew.

She had wandered into the Tahiti a few months before and had become as much of a fixture as the urinal in the men’s room. However, lately she hadn’t been there as much. The rumor in the mill was that she had been reading some paltry cyber-fiction and had been inspired to create her own chatroom. I preferred not to know what went on in there.

“No, Mr. Moonlight. I just needed a break,” she replied as she fingered the corner of my desk and her her eyes drilled me like a sadistic dentist. “I stopped by the Tahiti to see if I could finally convince Daybreak to go private with me, but she was busy.”

“Frankly, sweetheart, I think you should give up on that one. Daybreak has never been known as a switchhitter,” I said as I tried to tear my gaze from hers and concentrate on some other part of her anatomy. “So was she still with her sisters?”

“Yes, she was, Mr. Moonlight. One seemed to be rather loose, and the other, well...”

“Not the sharpest knife in the drawer?”

“I suppose you could put it that way, Mr. Moonlight. Anyway, the Tahiti seemed very crowded, as did the other rooms I tend to frequent. So I thought I’d come here. I heard that Twink was out of town, which meant this place would be empty if you weren’t around. Sometimes, Mr. Moonlight, your lack of popularity can come in handy.”

“Thanks, I think.”

I pulled a HardDrive out, lit it up, and braced for the impact that would hit my cardio-vaacular system like a velvet crowbar. The kick I got instead was as about as intense as shaking hands with a Luthern minister.

I looked at the coffin nail. Smoke was bellowing from the sides of the filter like fog moving like cat’s feet against a window pane. I sighed and glared at the grinning Lauren.

She had once told me HardDrives were a little heavy for her taste so she would poke holes in the sides of the filter to mellow the smoke out. I pulled the rest out of the pack. The filter on each one looked like a naked porcupine.

I placed my mouth over the entire filter and inhaled as deeply as possible, sucking down the smoke like a keggler passing beer through a straw. It wasn’t much, but at least it would delay the inevitable shakes of nicotine withdrawal.

“Look, Lauren, I just stopped by for some coffin nails and trolley fare. I’m on a case and don’t have time to play,” I said to her darkly.

“Well, Mr. Moonlight, sorry about your smokes. As for trolley fare I’m afraid you’re going to have to walk,” she replied with a sly grin.

“What?”

“Remember when I lent you some money so your bookie, Ernie, wouldn’t have a conversation with your knee caps? Well, Mr. Moonlight, I just went through your drawers to collect what is rightfully mine.”

I sighed, ran my fingers through my hair, and asked, “Okay, Lauren, what do you want?”

“I beg your pardon, Mr. Moonlight?”

“Don’t get cute with me, sister. Look you usually as about as much time for me as an aardvark does for a trip to the diet clinic. Just tell me what you what.”

“Very well,, Mr. Moonlight. I am frightfully bored and desire to join you on your latest case.”

“And you won’t give me any money unless I agree?”

“True.”

“And if I try to walk there, you’ll just follow me?”

“Very astute, Mr. Monnlight. I am surprised. I took you being a prime candidate for natural deselection, but you seem to have a fairly good grasp of the situation.”

“And if I say yes you won’t get in the way, you’ll keep your nose clean and an ace up your sleeve, and you feel you can actually help me.”

“Do bestial ultramontanes perform acts of bodily relief in the ornamental plantings?”

I winched and wondered just how many permutations of that line were going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I sighed and nodded. She had me like a pair of skivvies drying over a barrel.

“Very well, Mr. Moonlight, where do we begin?” she asked.

I replied, “We need to make a little trip to the Eastend. I’ll fill you in the way.”

I followed her out the door, at least trying to enjoy the view.
Chap. 4

The trolley to the Eastend was about as pleasant as a midnight bus to Kathmandu. ChatWorld was getting more crowded by the minute. Chatters were also figuring out what was happening and informing others when they arrived. The place was getting about as friendly as a troop leader when he catches a boy scout with his hand in his tentmate’s sleeping bag.

The trolley was full with people hanging off the sides and roof. Luckily, Lauren was able to conjol, flirt, and threaten a couple of beefy construction workers out of their seats. I slumped into my seat, lit a coffin nail, and tried to ignore the asthmatic cough behind me.

A little later one of the Tahiti regulars, Knockedup_Troll, got on. She waddled down the aisle like she was carrying a watermelon under her dress and a bowling ball between her legs. Lauren gave Troll her seat. I moved a little closer to the window to make some room and lit another coffin nail.

The Eastend of GenChat is an odd place, home of the downtrodden, social maladaptive, and those who polka to a different tuba player. The streets were a zoo with chatters pouring like a consumptive’s nasal condition from the public and private rooms. Everyone was in a foul mood, and things were only going to get worse.

In the chatrooms it is said that when you’re in trouble go see Al_B_Moonlight but when you need help go to the Eastend and ask for The_apothecary. I required aid if this mystery was going to be solved. I wasn’t above eating a little humble pie with my cup of joe if he would assist me on this case.

When we arrived at his studio private room the place was as dark as my mood when I checked my wallet. I peered into the window and could make out a faint light from a door in the back. I tried the front door. It was unlocked.

We crept through the room. I slowly opened the door and peered into the ill lit chamber. Suddenly I felt a pair of hands clasp around my neck like a vise holding a ham. Lauren rushed forward to my aid but was flicked away like a fly gliding over a jar of vinegar.

I struggled in vain against the hold, fought the impending the darkness, and managed to croak, “Apoth, for the love a new cpu, it’s me Al!”

The hold slackened around my neck, and I fell to the floor like a bag of wet turnips. As my vision started to focus I looked at the figure that had held me. He was thin with long brown hair. He wore a simple brown tunic and loose fitting pants. His feet were bare and in need of manicure. The eyes seemed to peer right past your consciousness and deep into your soul.

He smiled and said, “Al...I did not expect you...this is...a pleasant surprise...”

I rubbed the back of neck, tried to ignore the drums thundering through my head, and said, “Well if I had time I would have sent you a candygram. You always greet your guest like this?”

“...I apologize...for my unseemly conduct...but these are dark days...and trying times...the winged brid...who does not...watch its roost...will never lay down with...the cat...”

“Uh, yeah, right, Apoth. So what gives? I figured you’d have this place open feeding lentil soup to all the extra chatters.”

“Usually...I would...but first I have need...of meditation...and the mahjong tournament...is not yet complete...

“Who is your..friend, Al...she was walks...with the grace...of the wind...and the self-awareness...of a duck...out of the water?...is she...your latest?...”

As Lauren stumbled to her feet and walked over to us, I replied, “Hardly, Apoth. This is Lauren_Bloodcall. She’s helping me on my latest case, which is why we are here. Have you ever seen one of these?”

I fliiped the silver star to The_apothecary. He held it in his hand but looked at Lauren. Their gazes met and for several seconds they stared intently into each other’s eyes. I had no idea what was going on and felt like a blind man who drives up to the ATM and can’t find the Braille keys.

The_apothecary looked me and said, “...she seems...wise beyond her years...but...then...she is not...very old...”

He turned to the star in his hand. He looked intently into the polished gleam that reflected back his troubled gaze. He head shook slighly as he sighed.

Finally, The_apothecary quietly said, “This is...not good...not good at all...I sense...this is connected...with the problems in ChatWorld...I also feel great...pain...”

“You can feel the death connected to it?” I asked.

“No...I caught it wrong...and cut...my finger...”

“So do you know anything about it, Apoth?”

“Yes...this comes from...the Sweet Chariot Tong...which is headed...by the sinister brothers...Sing Hi and Sing Lo...”

“Wait a minute,” Lauren interjected, “aren’t hose names Chinese? Al, you told me there were ninjas involved. I thought they were Japanese.”

The_apothecary shrugged and replied, “ChatWorld...is often like...a tawdry...poorly written...detective...story...where the careless author...mixes ethniticies...like a defectively cooked trout...stew...”

“Do you always talk like this?” Lauren asked.

He shrugged again and answered, “...the words are like...chaff thrown..to the dreams...and set on...fire by the...passions of the ear...the bear who thinks...the honey is not...in the tree...will look until the...sun...lays down...to sleep with...the rain...”

“Uh, okay, I think. So, Apoth, you know where I can find them?” I said trying to steer the subject back to the main course.

“Where...we can..find them...my friend...”

“So you coming with us?”

“Does not...the coyote...chase the road runner...until he falls from the cliff...and displays a sign...that says...merely...‘help’?...”

“Okay, then we better get started. You got any ideas?”

“There is...a room...near here...that is perhaps...a good place...shall I lead the way?...”

“No, let Lauren go first so we can walk behind and watch.”

He smiled and replied, “Ah...yes, my friend, Al...I do see now...why you are...so wise.”

Lauren grumbled but relented. We followed her out of the door, emensely enjoying the view.
Chap. 5

We stepped out into a cool breeze that was surrounded by a pre-dawn glow. I paused to light up another HardDrive. I was braced for the lung numbing jolt, but then I remembered that Lauren had doctored my filters. I shot a quick dark look at her pleasant knowing smile.

I was about to ask The_apothecary where we were heading when a number of black clad shapes dropped silently around us. I turned to look at one and received a not so polite love tap in the chest from his right foot. I went down like a traveling salesman on a farmer’s daughter.

As I tried to deteach the cobwebs from the insides on my eyelids, I watched my cohorts battle our adversaries. Lauren was holding her own with one of them, laying a series of roundhouse kicks up against the side of his head. The way her right leg snaked out from under her dress was not an unpleasant sight.

I turned to watch The_apothecary. He was truly amazing. Six of the ninjas had surrounded him. He slowly turned parrying off each of their assaults. Then slowly he moved to the offense, turning the ninjas into sushi. He once had told me that his fighting style was based on the movements of animals. As he went through his paces I could swear that I could see the outlines of the creatures around his form.

Meanwhile, Lauren had driven off her first attacker. A second had dropped in front of her twirling a pair of flashing menacing swords. She gave him a disgusted look, reached up under her dress, and pulled out a small pistol. A couple of shots glanced off his blades, and he disappeared like my salary on payday.

I had recovered by now. A last dark figure was creeping up behind Lauren. I dived past her onto him, my hand reaching into my pocket to wrap around the roll of quarters that I carry to play the slots. I dropped a knuckle premis on his jaw, which left him coming up sorely short on the rebuttal.

Suddenly, they were all gone as fast they had arrived. The_apothecary stood still listening into the gloom, Lauren touched up her hair and makeup, and I sat on the ground wheezing like a consumptive John Deere tractor.

“Well, Apoth, they seem to have been waiting for us,” I said after I caught my breath and lit up another coffin nail.

“Yes...it so seems...,” he replied.

“You don’t act too surprised.”

He shrugged and said, “The bird...who puts its ear...to the ground...knows...when the worm...tunnels...toward enlightenment...”

“Uh, yeah, okay. So how far is it to this room you talked about?”

“Who can say...what far...is? Does not the snail...walk the same path...as the rock?...Or the bubblegum...that is attached...to the bottom...of your shoe?”

“Uh, why don’t we just go?”

He nodded and turned. Lauren and I followed close behind. The streets were even more crowded than when we entered The_apothecary’s studio. Some places we had to step off the sidewalk to get around the lines waiting to get into the rooms. I also noticed that GenChat’s finest were out in full force.

The trip to the room took long enough for me to suck down two coffin nails. Between the exercise and the doctored filters I was working on one mean headache by the time we arrived.

It was a private room and didn’t look in too good of shape. The walls needed painting, the windows were dirty, and the several panes were cracked. There was a weather beaten sign that read Go Away.

We tried the warped front door, but it was locked. I started to pull my pick out of my wallet. The_apothecary stopped me. He rubbed his hands together, placed them on the lock, and breathed slowly. The door opened like the legs of a prom queen at the church kegger.

As we entered we were assaulted by the reeking gym locker odor that I had come to except in the lairs of the ChatWorld underworld. The place was was about as clean as a pig sty after a fraternity orgie. Obviously, the criminal element didn’t spend anytime in the Emily_Post_Room over in SocialChat.

The room was also as empty as my bank account by the fifth race at the track. Whoever had been here had cleared out fast. There were still bowls of rice sitting on the floor. Some were moldy, but a few were still warm.

“We...appear to have...arrived...too late,” The_apothecary sighed.

“Just hold onto Lauren’s keister, bub,” I said as I walked across the room. “They may have left an invitation for us.”

I bent down and picked up a business card from the floor. The card had no writing, but the picture on it made my huevos rancheros want to run off on a holiday. My blood ran as cold as Lauren’s reply to when I once asked her to go private. I was staring at the most dreaded sight in cyber-space, the flag of the Bates Boyz.

“Uh, Apoth, Lauren, I think things are going to get a lot more interesting,” I whispered loudly.

Suddenly, a molotov cocktail flew through the window. We ran to the door but were driven back by savage gunfire. The room was quickly being consumed by the flames. The smoke was thick as the hair on Aunt Millie’s mole.

The_apothecary disappeared into the smoke. I grabbed Lauren and dropped to the floor. The air down there gave us a few more seconrds. Besides, if I was going to punch the ticket for the trolley to the Big Chat in the Sky, I wanted to go out holding onto something enjoyable.
Chap. 6

The smoke was rapidly curling its way down to the floor. I tried once to crawl to the door but was greeted again by another volley of bullets. It was beginning to look grim for the visiting team.

I crawled back over to Lauren. I shook her, but I noticed she had stopped breathing. I quickly applied mouth to mouth. Then I felt a tongue curl into my mouth with movements that I didn’t know were physically possible.

Her fingers twined into my hair, grasping it, pulling me closer as she kissed me harder. Her hands moved and were desperately tugging at my clothes. My hands traced down the soft curves of her body, lifting her dress with similar recklessness.

“I don’t know what it is about you, Mr. Moonlight,” she gasped between fiery kisses. “You’re slime, self-centered, need a bath, and are male, but I can’t leave my hands off of you. Besides, if I’m going to die I want to go out in style.”

The fire around us felt cool compared to heated passions that clasped on the floor. We desperately clung together racing to completion before we ran out of oxygen. I had to agree with her for once. If you had to bite the big one, this was the way to go.

A figure appeared through the smoke and the flames. It was The_apothecary. He seemed unfazed by the fiery carnage. He rubbed his hands together and gestured into the air. The fire and smoke seemed to be almost trained to follow his movements.

He waved his hands twice around the room, collecting the flames into his control. Then he pointed to the windows and the blaze smashed through the panes and disappeared into the sky. The room was quiet except for the sounds of Lauren and I trying to quickly reclothe ourselves.

I lit a coffin nail and asked, “Neat trick, Apoth, but why did you wait until we were almost as well done as a couple of t-bones?”

He replied, “First...I went outside...to eliminate...the distrubance...and I do see...you found ways to keep...busy...until I returned...”

“Yeah, say, Apoth, we’d appreciate it if you kept quiet about what you saw.”

“Does not...the leader of...the Catholic Church...stoop for relievement...in the thicket?...”

“You know I wish I had never started with that line. Well, this was interesting. I did come up with a clue, though.”

“So you know who is behind this, Mr. Moonlight?” Lauren asked as she straightened her hair.

“I have a good idea who is at least involved, doll. We need to stop by the Tahiti so I can check out my sources.”

“Ah...the Tahiti...I have not been there...since I was employed...as the piano player...,” The_apothecary said with a wistful look in his eye. “Is Daybreak12...still there?...”

“Yeah, she owns the joint now, Apoth.”

“Ah, yes...I knew her well...”

“Who hasn’t? Well we better get going.”

I picked up my fedora from the floor. They followed me out, and we headed for the trolley.

*****

The Tahiti was packed like lobsters in a sandwich, but since I worked there we had no trouble getting in. Once inside the sounds of chat wavered over us like gas passed in an elevator:

· PapasBrandNewBag enters.

· DrunkAsASkunksays, "hey Jane, why so plain???"

· 5_ikkin says, "LMAO"

· 1BigJerk says, "Hey Dim!"

· Tub_O_Lard enters.

· Speed_E_Gonzales says, "Kiddo"

· Redooolala tries to get unlost

· Elvira_Troll says, "ahhhh ivan... cant be any worse then whats going on with me LMAO"

· SpazzzMatazz says, "bean bag Chello!"

· Speed_E_Gonzales hugs Jane

· Bean_E_Babe_E giggles non-flirtatiously

· Elvira_Troll says, "WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SPEED.. POKE ME"

· PlainJane says, "Drunk - princesse made fun of my Valentines day name so I switched and it stuck"

· Elvira_Troll licks ikkin :)

· 1BigJerk2 . o O ( Loves Everyone, Really? )

· Ivan_Yananov69 says, "OK, Ill tell ya.....There I was, having sex again"

· Ivan_Yananov69 was alone of course

· Spazzz98 says, "How ya doin?"

· DrunkAsASkunk. o O ( have I been gone that long?? )

· PlainJane lol at Ivan virgin

· TooTall2Look enters.

· Marilun_Munrow enters.

· DrunkAsASkunk says, "lol"

· Redooolala . o O ( what was Janes Valentine name )

· 5_ikkin giggles at Troll

· 1BigJerk2 is from Raleigh, NC

· Elvira_Troll . o O ( what the hell is sex? )

· Speed_E_Gonzales pokes Troll

· Bean_E_Babe_E says, "great how you doin?"

· Elvira_Troll . o O ( ivans hand must be tired? )

· Spazzz98 says, "Going Crosseyed!"

· Ivan_Yananov69 says, "When all of a sudden....welll....I'm not sure, but I think it broke"

· Redooolala draws Troll a picture

· 5_ikkin looks for her lickin towel

· Elvira_Troll giggles and moanssss mmmm yes speed love a good poke ;)

· DrunkAsASkunk says, "hey jail can do that to a guy.....LMAO @ myself....JUST KIDDING!!!!!!"

· Elvira_Troll says, "thanks red.. is it upsidedown?"

· RedooLala . o O ( I prefer it that way Troll!!! )

· Dead_kennedy342 enters.

We wound our way through the place. Lauren and I were getting bumped and jostled pretty good, but The_apothecary seemed to move through the crowd like butter off a hog’s back.

I heard a voice behind me sneer, “Well, Al, I must say watching you from behind is not the most unpleasant sight.”

“Hi, Day,” I said as I lit up a coffin nail, “how’s tricks?”

“Oh, business is good. This lockdown is great for me. I’m even watering down the drinks more than usual.”

“Okay. What happened to your sisters?”

“I set them up with their own business. They’re doing phone sex for lonely men from Texas. It’s called Lubbock Nights.”

“Well, if it keeps them off the streets and their noses clean to the grindstone. Say, have you seen Cubbie?”

“He’s over by the bar. Why would you want him when you could go private with...OH MY GOD!!!”

In the entire time I had known Daybreak I had never seen her speechless. She even had a knack to keep talking with her face buried in your lap, but when The_apothecary parted the crowd like Moses going through the convenience store, she was as mute as a schoolgirl playing soapy sponge in the janitor’s closet.

“Oh, my god, Apothecary, it has been a long time,” she whispered quietly.

“Too long...my dear...how are...tricks...as Al would say...” he smiled and replied.

“What brings you back here?”

“I am assisting...Al...and this young...lady...”

“Okay. Well...Al’s got the sweet tart to keep him busy. Would you mind playing As Time Goes By for me. Then, if you’d like, maybe go private?”

“I would gladly...do the former...but, alas,...I am afraid...there is no time...for the latter...”

As I held Lauren back to keep her from clawing Daybreak’s eyes out for the tart comment, Daybreak and The_apothecary linked arms and went to the piano. While she sang the tune in a sultry voice I didn’t know she possesses, he tinkled the ivories with an ease than made me envious. They were not bad and made an interesting couple.

I spied Cub_Reporter bellying up to the bar. He was my major source in GenChat. If there was any dirt under anyone’s finger nails he knew the manicurist who cleaned them. I grabbed Lauren by the arm and drug her to the bar.

While Lauren picked up some quick cash by drinking some buff boy whores under the table with shots of Old Scuzzie I squeezed in next to Cubbie. He has quietly sipping a beer and trying to untangle the slinky from his tie.

“Hi, Cubbie, how’s it going?” I asked as I ordered a mineral water and lit a coffin nail.

“Not bad, Al, if I could only get this slinky off of me. What’s up with you?” he replied.

“Working on a case, Cubbie, and I need some skinny. You heard anything about the Bates Boyz being back in town?”

“You know Al, I thought I saw that goon, Rejectedisk, the other day. He was catching the trolley.”

“Any idea where?”

“Well, it was near the end of the line, so I guess maybe he got off at LastChance. It would be a good place to hide. You got something good, Al? I really need a scoop or the editor’s going to can me with the creamed corn.”

“You’ll be the first to know, Cubbie,” I replied as I slipped a cyber-abe into his shirt pocket. “If you hear anything more, let me know.”

“Will do, Al. Thanks.”

I turned to Lauren. After she drank the boys into submission she was finishing her con job by arm wrestling them for the pocket change they had left. I tapped her on the shoulder and nodded for her to leave. She picked up the cash and started to follow.

I was going to look for The_Apothecary when he suddenly appeared in front of me.

“I assume...it is time...for us to leave,” he said.

“Don’t do that!” I screamed at him.

“Do what...my good friend?...”

“Just appear out of nowhere in front of me. God, you could age a joe overnight.”

“As...you so...desire...”

“So did you get caught up with Daybreak?”

“Yes, she is...a most remarkable...women. I believe you have...no idea...how remarkable.”

“Yeah, yeah, you can write a tell all bio about it some day. Right now we’ve got to take a little trip to Lastchance. I’ll fill you in on the way.”

We both held back a little to allow Lauren to go first. She was one fine sight from behind.
Chap. 7

We walked out of the building when dawn cracked like the backside of a plumber when he bends over the sink. The streets were lined with chatters and none of them were in a good mood. If anymore came in the place would be more crowded thean a video bus on the way to New Delhi.

The mood was getting as ugly as the debate captain in her prom dress. Some of the more undesirable elements tried to start looting, but GenChat’s finest countered with a mace and nightstick discussion group.

One of the few places the mob hadn’t tried to hit was Ma_and_Pa’s convenience store. I had borrowed a cyber-abe from The_apothecary and had stopped for a pack of HardDrives. Ma had her sons, Billy_Bob_Joe_Ray and Clarence__ posted in the parking lot with shotguns. She was behind the counter with her uzi prominently displayed on the counter. Pa was nowhere to be seen, probably passed out on joy juice in the backroom.

I decided that before we went to Lastchance we needed to stop by the precinct and see if Bob had found out anything. The police station was teeming with irate chatters, but this I time I was a little smarter. I let The_apothecary lead the way. He parted the crowd like a new comb through a cowlick.

Bob was frantically talking on the phone when we entered. The other lines were buzzing like a bad hangover on Tuesday morning. He was sweating like a pig in rut and sipping rotgut straight from the bottle.

“Al, thank god, you’re here!” Bob shouted as he slammed down the receiver and threw the phone in the wastebasket.

“Just stopped by to see if you had any new dope on the situation,” I said as I lit up a coffin nail and helped myself to a mineral water.

“No, it just keeps getting worse. The tech squad is on the scene, but they are about as dependable as yer Aunt Millie is faithful to Uncle Elmo,” he replied as he wiped the sweat from his face.

He continued, “It’s getting worse on the streets, as you probably know. We got it under control for now, but I don’t know...Apothecary! I didn’t think you’d show yer ugly mug around here again!”

The_apothecary shrugged and replied, “I did not...plan to do so...but we must...all...work together...if this crisis...is to be abated...the squirrel...who suns in the tree...must be ever mindful...of the hatchet about...to be buried in his...back...”

“Uh, okay, I guess. You just keep yer nose clean and to the grindstone, or I’ll bust yer chops like a cold plate of liverwurst!” Bob growled. “Say, Al, who’s the gingersnap, your latest?”

Lauren walked up to Bob, grabbed ahold of his tie, and pulled him down to her eye level. She studied him closely for minute, like you would a fly before you got out the shotgun.

She whispered loudly, “Officer, I am not a gingersnap or anyone’s latest. If you treasure the poor excuse for manhood between your legs you will remember that.”

“Say, a dame with moxie. I love a dame with moxie. What are you doing when I get off work?” Bob asked with obvious interest.

“I assume that I can find something to be doing. Perhaps my laundry.”

“Come on sweetheart, laundry can’t take that long.”

“You do not understand, officer. I have to go down to the river and beat it out on the rocks.”

“Uh, okay. So, Al you come up with anything?”

“I found this in a deserted room, Bob,” I replied as I flipped the Bates Boyz’s card on the desk in front of him.

“For the love of the Saint Patrick’s mother’s ghost in the bushes by the creek! Ninjas and now them? Any idea how it ties together?”

“No idea yet. Have you heard about any unusual happenings in Lastchance?”

Bob opened another bottle of rotgut and answered, “Hmmm, let’s see. Well, there was one place. It had been a white elephant room for a long time. After they got the elephant droppings cleaned up they still had trouble keeping a business in it.

“Then someone opened a combination massage parlor and pastry shop. It was called Hot_Sprinkles. It was doing a good business and was very popular with the force. Then the place was fire bombed. I was going to check it out for arson, but things got busy here.

“Someone else I guess bought it. The windows have been sealed, and the place in as quiet as a church deacon on tranqs. I think it’s called The_Hideout now. You think it might be connected?”

“We won’t know until we check it out.”

“Okay, good luck, we need it. I don’t know how much longer I can keep the lid on the crapper in here. Al, you need any help on this one?”

“Thanks, Bob,” I answered as I lit another coffin nail, “but I think more faces would just attract attention. We’ll be okay”

“Okay. I can’t spare anyone anyway. I’d tell you to page me on AltChat, but the lines are down.”

Bob turned to The_apothecary, pointed his squat finger in the quiet man’s face, and growled, “I’m going to be watching you! One false move, and I’ll have yer rancheros on ice for breakfast! Don’t think I’ve forgotten about last time! I have a memeory like a horse!”

The_apothecary bowed slightly and replied, “It is agreed...when the crisis is...over...I will be done...like a wind...passing slightly in the breeze...”

“You keep that in mind. I’d yank yer chain as fast as I yanked yer p.i. license if I get a chance! Now git outta here!”

Bob turned to look out the window. The_apothecary walked out the door, followed by Lauren. I stared back at Bob for an instant. He looked like he had aged overnight. I wondered what was going in his mind but knew better than to ask.

I turned and followed Lauren out the door. She was really one fine view from behind.

*****

Lauren insisted that she needed to change into something more appropriate for the mission. She persuasively argued that not only would she be more effective, The_apothecary and I would function better if we weren’t spending all of our time watching her in that dress. Sadly, I had to agree.

Unfortunately, Lauren’s loft was in a sleezy room called FanChat in the XChat section of ChatWorld. I didn’t care to leave GenChat, but Xchat was even worse. Every pimple faced pud puller and overly hormonal strumpet in ChatWorld seemed to make it there at one time or another. The section was like LoveChat with no morals.

We entered FanChat and were assaulted the random banterings of it patrons:

· MoonGod1 says, "how about some nice blunt knife to cut him open?"

· The_amulet says, "He's really mixing up the cut and paste now"

· CatHunter advanses on Daisy, great harm he does intend..........................................................

· PETYRPAWN says, ""Thank you."Monica_Lewinsky"

· The_amulet says, "Cat. . ."

· Lord_Dread Smashes his face into the wall over and over again,then with one swift movement...

· Princess_Shrinking_Violet applauds a very cool sentence.

· DinoDesiBillie says, "wonders what the hell is going on in here?"

· Lord_Dread twists his head and pops his neck off

· SubWhey leaves.

· Princess_Shrinking_Violet laughs....

· PETYRPAWN says, "Willing to prepay air tickets DC round trip to any true slut (respectful, intimate loving way - no offense meant all in good fun and taste of course) that wanna get to know me better pm me your number - my dime all expenses paid including entertainment"

· Princess_Shrinking_Violet holds Amulet close.

· The_amulet buries her face in Violet's neck

· Princess_lvy hugs Mother

· MoonGod1 says, "yea he is repeating at a slower speed.. but thats because his fingers hurt from the typing"

· Rock_on_the_Hudson says, "sorr to have disturbed your dull ass conversation?"

· MoonGod1 never met a psycho

· _earthmagic_ enters.